And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take

hi.
so yeah, it's definitely been a while.
things have changed since last post, i guess.
i might have gained a few, drank a few & had a few laughs in the time we've spent apart, but i'm still the same person so no worries.

i started a new tumblr blog called Hunk du Jour. it's sort of a joke, but also very entertaining and possibly useful for future art projects, as most of the guys i have on it have amaaaazing faces (except some not so much)

guess what i'm doing?
avoiding homework! i don't think that aspect of me has changed at all.
i'm pretty much fucked for school tomorrow.
not new news whatsoever, i guess. haa!
PB was relatively fun. the afterparty was a wreckkkkkkkkk (that's both good and bad i spose!)

i'm trapped in my mind again lately. can't stop thinking about my problems. i have these things called Worry Dolls that my mom gave me a million years ago that i should probably re-hash tonight and use.
They're supposed to take away my worries if i use them. I don't think I've used them since circa 1998 and my worries probably consisted of "it might rain tomorrow so i won't be able to go to the park" or some shit.
i think f i try telling the little dolls about my worries i'll be up all night!
and that alone is a worry in itself. shit - add one to the long, long list.

anyway, i should probably go and do some homework before i have a mental breakdown or something. i'm excited for the worry dolls. i'll get them out of my drawer, dust em off and maybe take a picture of them for my 365. shit, here comes that wave of nostalgia.

arrright i'm off ladies n gents
sarah x

ps: The Prayer - Kid Cudi. HIGHLY recommended.
pps: i finally beat Minesweeper AND we made it into the variety show!! :)

Yes hello we're back and we're taking calls. Now what was the question?

I hate school. Can't wait to get the fuck out.


good things in my life:
my variety show act is on a fucken rollllll
i'm so close to beating the shit out of Minesweeper
i have my online friends to escape to when i feel like shit and they are GEMS :)
i have a few good 'real' friends too.
i have a new moleskine. i need to break it in. everytime i think about doing so, i get really excited. but then i never do it.
we're getting 3 fucking newly renovated bathrooms. YES.


bad things in my life:
i think i just semi-witnessed a suicide today off the st john overpass.
i feel like i'm losing my very best friend.
my marks in possibly every class are going down.
my very best friend has still not replied to my text.
i feel alone.
i haven't felt truly compelled to do any sort of work in FOREVER. i'm like a dead soul or something. unconscious, uncaring; blank.

i don't know what to do.

plus i'm getting fat.

Hey, you surround me like a blanket in my bed

I hate long-distance relationships ..the online ones, I mean. They're brutal.

Espec. because most of the time you can't tell how the other person is feeling. Or else how much they think about you and miss you and care for you and all of that- well I mean I guess that's the case in regular relationships too, right?
Being able to be around a person, being able to touch them... it doesn't mean you can read their minds. I know that. I do, I do. It's just sometimes it's hard to know how much you mean to someone when you can't see their face, ya digg?
..Then again, staying up into the wee hours of the morning due to a five hour time difference almost every night of the week for a chat... that would require a certain level of caring I guess haha.
Ahhh I'm sorry, I just don't knowwwwwwwwwwwwww anymore :(
FRUSTRATION.


On the bright side, I did acquire two lovely new dresses today :)!!! Oh, prom...
Anyway so they're both brown (no clue why?! i usually go for black so it's weird), and one's definitely gonna be for Principal's Ball OR prom. The other one's probably gonna be for neither. It'll just hang in my closet and await its destiny (i.e. potential bar mitzvah, fancy occasion, dance, etc.)

Wow so I just spent a good 4 minutes searching the BCBG website to show y'allz my dresses but it's too hard! There are too many dressezZ!!111
They're nice though i promise :)
MAYBE NOT ON ME, but they are nice nonetheless!

xXxxX love

ps: i returned a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard - of which i had two (i heart returnable gifts) - and used the money to buy my first hardcover Moleskine! WOOPEEE!! I'm scared to use it now though. It's too pretty.

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare

you can't really see but that's my memory aid that i slaved upon last night/

well i just wasted a good 4 hours browsing the internet and playing minesweeper :)
good job sar!
k cool. 3 more exams to go.


thats how i feel right now ..except that's not how i look. please note that.
seriously, it was the best i could find when i google-searched "shoot self"
i figured searching "suicide" could be detrimental so i did the best with what i had. ok?!

loveeeeeeee


ps: wow i just published this and realized how shitty that picture looks on my nicely polished blog. fuck. oh wellllllllll.

drink up, baby, stay up all night

Hello! So my weekend is nearly over and I'm fucked for tomorrow's chem test, but otherwise, life is okay! :)
..haha, as if.
I was skiing yesterday so now every inch of my body is sore. And I've been sitting in my chair all day studying math, and I tried to get up earlier and I couldn't. Oh and now I'm onto chemistry. It's never-ending.

On the plus side, I did discover a new show called Queer As Folk! Actually, it's an old show that ended in 2005, but it's new to me so whatever :)
It's highly inappropriate and disgustingly gay, but I can't help but find it intriguing And it's not like there's no plot line or anything. It's very watchable. And not just because it's basically unofficial gay porn, ahhhaa. The story behind the show is very good and the men are gorrrrrgeous. At least Gale Harold is.
& it's been decided. I'm gonna draw him sometime.

okay back to work i think? i've really slacked off, and now i'm missing the Golden Globes! fuckerrrr

CRUNCH

i have
two tests tomorrow
skiing on saturday
studying all day on sunday (maybe a rehearsal too?)
test monday, meeting at lunch, audition after school
potentially another test on tuesday
then... wed/thurs/fri: MIDTERM EXAMSSSSSSS

i'm scared :(

i'm perscribing myself some dried mangoes and a full game of minesweeper.

ye mayn xx

BTW

remember that thing i said about me wanting to go back to school because i was all bored and suicidal and stuff?
i take it back.

midterms can go suck a fucking lemon